Mother Fucking Norton Internet Security
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that at least one of out readers has this wank on their machine. Go on... admit it... you either paid for this faeces, or even worse, you bought a laptop from PC World with it preinstalled and thought just because its "free" for 12 months, you'd just leave it on. If that is you, let me be (probably not) the first person to call you a fucking massive cunt
Because of people like you, Norton is now a viable and "trustworthy" name associated with commercial grade Anti Virus software. You are these morons that buy a brand new PC to find that Microsoft Word takes 2 minutes to open because Norton feels the need to check every thread 12 times just in case your letter to your Chinese penpal has transmogrified into a rogue polymorphic virus that it didn't pick up in the eleven previous scans?!
The next line of defence is "well I've never had any problems with it" like thats a technical comeback and sound reasoning for having it installed. Well Done Einstein, you've never run into problems because your laptops main function is a paperweight... if you actually used the fucking thing for anything other than being yet another sycophant on Facebook and stalking young girls on Yahoo! you'd perhaps realise your laptop is running at 1/4 of its real speed thanks to the crippleware you have installed on it. Try opening up Visual Studio, Photoshop and a few internet browsers up and watch Norton cry with the workload it brings on itself.
My biggest gripe with NIS is its typically American, hostile takeover of your PCs basic network protocol functionality. Once installed, it is the law and you're fucked if you think your traffic is getting past it's checkpoint.
This was your security before Norton got its boot on. One guy in a booth lazily eyeballing passers by.. unless you were strapped to the nines with plastic explosive with an "I Love Al Qaeda" T Shirt on, he's not getting involved, and even then he'd probably decide against intervening..
Now, Norton isn't taking any shit. It's erected a 1939 German prison camp around your laptop and inside, your data and internet traffic are Jewish. Even if you tell Norton to take its guard down, after 15 minutes it shouts a very loud "NEIN! WIR MUSSEN DIE JUDEN AUS ROTTEN!!" then set your machine back to it's data hating status.
Looking to the future, it would seem they have a new product lineup called Norton Internet Compliance Officer
I of course jest... this is actually just called Norton 360... :)
Technorati Tags: I hate Your Computer Mother Fucking Norton Internet Security Symantec products are wank
|
"Patriot Act Compatible"
"Patriot Act Compatible"
Loved that part. Well done.
Oh, and god forbid you ever
Oh, and god forbid you ever want to UNINSTALL this shite!
"Hey, I'll go, but I'm taking a bunch of random, and possibly vital, stuff with me - you'll never boot up normally again, I tell you! BWAHAHAH!"
Aint that the fucking truth...
Norton is one of the only products I know of thats had to write and host a separate uninstaller tool to fully remove it from your system after its infected it. Even that has a warning it may affect some of your programs, the fucking cunts! Seriously, its here!
The other being the Sony Rootkit debacle but lets not go there today... :)
Tell me about it.
I uninstalled this from my Mum's PC. Now on bootup they get about 6 popup warning boxes saying 'no disc in volume x' or something similar, which no amount of tinkering seems to fix.
PC still works fine, but the amount of earache it's caused me has led to me seriously considering hunting down a Norton employee and nailing him by the scrotum to a speeding car.
I had nortan installed on my laptop...
...just because it was free for 9 months or whatever, but Linux soon sorted that...thing...out.
That's probably the best way to get rid of it.
I'm surprised Nortan are still in business it's probably because they're the "Market leader" like Microsoft.
Someone should tell the average Joe Bloggs on the street that just because somethings the "Market leader" doesn't necessarily mean it's the best.
The free - and better in my opinion - alternative to this is AVG.
http://free.grisoft.com/
^*^Link^*^
Good lord you don't want
Good lord you don't want AVG, may I recommend Avira Antivir, much better trust me :)
http://www.free-av.com/
Seconded
AVG started getting a bit shit towards release 7.5 when they started trying to be like Norton with their whole Internet Suite bullshit... release 8 is painfully bloated and constantly pops up asking you to buy the "full" version too... cunts...
Personally I swear by Kaspersky but I have licences through work for my home machines. It's a bit on the keen side but after some initial tweeking, its pretty damn awesome. Just don't go for the Internet Security version.. its horrid.
Avira is the same Virus engine as Kaspersky too isn't it?
I don't think so, I think it
I don't think so, I think it is their own engine. Issue with kaspersky is I wouldn't trust russian software, then again I wouldn't trust german software either which is what avira is.
I only had it as a back-up...
... sort-of.
Just in-case I accidentally went on to a dodgey website and downloaded something, used to check it with that just in-case.
Retailers are to blame
Where I used to work the staff were told to push this evil crippleware on to it's customer's PC's. I refused. I even used to tell customers that it was shit and tell them to download AVG instead! Fuck the sales targets. Whenever a copy was sold by another member of staff it often used to result in a moaning phone call from the customer saying that it had slowed down their machine or blocked access to the internet. It happened so many times, but boss cow insisted on pushing the shite out.
Post new comment