Yup, I've kicked the habit. And, as the nicotine slowly leaves my body, I have come to the realization that everything - absolutely fucking everything - is COMPLETE AND UTTER COCK!

In fact, even the effort of typing this post without nicotine is SHIT, and makes me want to kick you all in the faces.

I am assured that eventually, the utter fuckwanking crapness of everything will once again fade to a sort of dull, background awfulness, but until then, everything can just CUNT RIGHT OFF.

Every morning, on my drive to work, I have to pass a school. This school, like most others, has a lollipopcunt to help the precious little moppets get across the road without being flattened like so many retarded hedgehogs. No problem so far (apart from the fact that this particular lollipopmong has a face that makes me want to hurl bricks at it - especially the smug look of satisfaction he seems to get from stopping traffic like he's fucking traffic-JESUS or something).

In lieu of sending any of you an actual physical Christmas card (which would require me to a) actually KNOW you, and b) give a flying fuck), feel free to print out the following, and display them proudly with the rest of your pointless, hideously overpriced rectangles of cardboard (yes, even the ones with the fucking teddy-bears on them - who the FUCK sent you those?)

Watching politicians bicker like children can be entertaining at the best of times, but last night....oh, last night was beautiful!!

Despite the outrage of some protesters who completely missed the fucking point of 'freedom of speech', Nick 'Not a Nazi, honest!' Griffin appeared on Question Time. And, as most right-thinking people knew was going to happen, he made a spectacular cunt of himself!!

Natural fucking causes?

The BBC say "pulmonary oedema, which is an accumulation of fluid on the lungs."

I say "There's only one way he got that much fluid in his lungs, the bogtrotting pole-smoker"

That is all.

Found over at http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/, this man is my new hero - http://www.kadir-buxton.com/, and I have to share him with you!!

Basically, this potato-headed mental has developed a method to cure the mentally ill....BY PUNCHING THEM IN THE HEAD!!

His site really is comedy gold of the highest order - a few choice quotes for you in case you are scared of looking at mentals or something..

A random link directed me to a mockup of the test those foul foreign types have to take in order to become a 'citizen' of our glorious, not-at-all-utterly-shit cuntry.

http://www.ukcitizenshiptest.co.uk/

Against all expectations, I fucking failed. And failed miserably. 11 out of 24. And I'm willing to guess that you'll fail too. It's damn near fucking impossible!

"How many parliamentary constituencies are there?"

Hallo, Fuckssakers!

Ok, I've been away for a while (away as in 'not posting', not away as in 'been in jail due to the prozzie-bodies being discovered').

My shit work went a bit mental and banned a fuckload of sites in the hope of making us government drones work a bit harder (HAHAHAHA!). However, in a turn of events which can only be described as mongoloid, ohforfuckssake.com is now accesible again! However, delmorpha.com is now blocked as 'Sexually Explicit Content'!

This Russell Brand/Andrew Sachs thing is getting right on my tit-ends now.

Ok, so he phoned him and told him he'd banged his granddaughter. Now, that might be a little harsh, but be honest, we've ALL done it. Hardly the end of the fucking world, is it?

So why the fuck is the PRIME MINISTER involved? Seriously, the prime fucking minister, the guy who's meant to be busy digging the country out of the economic shit-pit he's dropped us into, has felt the need to get involved over what is, basically, nothing worse than a schoolkid's prank.

For what seems like the last 100 years, we've had every environmentalist, government bod, and random freak bleating at us about how we're destroying the ozone layer, and that the icecaps will melt and we'll all die and lalalala, let's stop eating the lovely animals and all go hug some fucking trees.

So near enough the whole bastard world buys into the propaganda, pulls their collective socks up and become environmentally friendly. Vast amounts of money are spent to convince us all that this is good.